We are constantly looking for new poker jokes to add to the list. If you know of any please feel free to submit it, include weither or not you would like your name included. Business as usual at the Mirage

In a 10-20 Hold'em game at the Mirage, a drunk was begining to get out of hand. "Well that was one pussy-pink river card from you dealer!" he bellowed after missing a flush.

The dealer beheld the drunk gravely; "Sir, there is a young lady at the table. If you don't control your language, you will have to leave." On the next hand, the drunk doesn't improve his set on the flop and looses to a straight. "Jesus Christ! Why don't you just light my fucking wallet on fire pinhead!"

The dealer was absolutely at his limit; "Sir, I'm telling you for the last time; there is a young lady at the table! Control your language or you will be escorted out of here!"

On the following hand, every player in the game wades into the pot. There are raises and caps on every card. In the end, the drunk sucks out an inside straight and wins the 10-20 pot of the month. The drunk looks out over his pile of chips at the dealer and asks, "Do you boys pool your tips togeather or do you keep them for yourselves?"

The dealer replies "All dealers here keep their own tips."

The drunk tosses two green chips at the dealer and says with a grin; "Well have a Goddamn toke on me, motherfucker."

The dealer picks up the $50, turns to the young woman and says, "Miss, I'm afraid you'll have to leave the table."

Submitted by David Pitts
A Christmas Story

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a hand would hold up
Thanks to that no good, no fold-em, idiot louse!His stacks grew higher
Mine waned towards the felt
Now this S.O.B. has put me on TILT!"CHIPS" cried the dealer
As I fumbled for cash
We were at war
Me and this little, river rat, 2-6 offsuit playing ASS!When what to my wandering eyes should appear?
But a pocket full of aces to bring me good cheer!
"RAISE" called the maniac, "RE-RAISE" I cried
"CAP" he hissed, with all hands still alive.An 8-way pot at limits 6 and 12
Deeper into this story we shall now delve...
I flopped my Ace, this much is true
But little did I know he was holding two-two.Heads up betting had me calling "All-In"
But there was no doubt that the best hand would win!
A two on the flop gave me no dismay
I was busily counting chips that would soon come my way.The board paired on fourth street, giving me the nuts I assumed
And turned over my Aces for his eyes to consume.
He paused just a moment before "2!!" he did call...
And Miraculously.....................................................the
case deuce on the river did fall"Nice Catch" I muttered, editing my initial reply
Where I'd tell this guy off, instead yelled "REBUY!"
While up in chips with these massive stacks
Maniac forgot to protect them and eventually gave them all back.Within three hours I heard him mutter "all-in"
Head hung, defeated, he'd committed a poker sin
I raised on the button for "protection" (I lied)
Just wanted it heads up to restore my pride.Burning and turning the board soon displayed
I'd caught an ace on the river to his dismay.
As he turned to go, I said (rather snobby)"Merry Christmas! Oh and my book is for sale in the lobby!"Submitted by Diane A. Monds
Dog Gone Poker

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.

"This is a very smart dog.", the man commented. "Not so smart," said one of the players. "every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." Submited by Chuck

The Leprechaun

A guy was playing 10-20 holdem and was stuck about 300 dollars when he looked down beside the table and saw a little green leprechuan. "Quit playing poker forever right now and I'll give you a pot of gold worth a million dollars.", said the little fellow. The player replied, "Let me get even first."

Submitted Dave

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